Fulcrum Ruminations

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Eleven Short Years

Strange that today, the 11th anniversary of the September 11 event, should be an almost perfect duplicate of that horrific day. Faultless blue skies, perfect temperature, glorious late summer weather. Just as it was on That Day.

We who have direct memories of That Day know how it went. Savage barbarians driving airplanes into buildings and over three thousand innocents murdered. Among them my friend Jerry Moran and co-workers Angela Houtz and LCDR Vince Tolbert. Jerry's wife Joyce passed away just last year, so they are reunited in whatever awaits us after.

I lost my own wife this year. So as I remember 9/11 and the horrors it held, I also remember my wife and the joy she brought me. In memory, evergreen.

We remember.

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Faith II

It's been a little over seven and a half months since my wife passed away. There have been millions of things to deal with . . . insurance, financials, bills, legal matters, on and on and on. At the same time, I've been trying to get my aging parents squared away with some kind of elder care. Going thru the medicaide process, having a home aid going in twice a week, making sure doctor appointments are taken care of, all that kind of thing. Between the two situations I've felt like I'm never "down." Have to be doing stuff all the time. Having both serious, sad things thrown in my face every ten minutes.

In a way that's good. Keeps me busy, stops me from dwelling too much on the loss I've endured. It still hits me all the time. Walking out of work, going grocery shopping, and biggest of all, going to bed at night. Alone.

And then as if in answer to a plea thrown repeatedly to the forces that make things happen, I've found someone. We complement one another, we're comfortable together, we can talk and we can listen. At first I was a little concerned that this might be a rebound attraction. Suffered such a loss that I was grabbing at anything that seemed like it might offer surcease. But now it seems that's not the case. The more we're together, the more real it seems to me. Looking into beautiful brown eyes I find not some momentary band-aide slapped hastily over a wound, but a deep healing draught of elixir vitae. She makes me feel . . . good.

That's no small thing. Being with her is like emerging from the darkness to find that the sun is indeed still shining, that winter's hold is not forever and spring does come. Persephone does win free of the underworld to bring life back to the land.

Symmetry rules the universe, gentle reader. Nothing is taken away without something being given back. There is no pain without relief. The night ends with the sunrise.

I think I've seen the dawn.

Labels: , , , ,